MOVIE CRITIQUE

June 2010

MOVIES, EVERY DAY MORE EXPENSIVE AND MORE BORING

Last Friday, we went to see Legion. I had really been looking forward to seeing that film, not only because the trailer looked really exciting, but also because it had great actors like Paul Bethany and Dennis Quaid. Well, not only was it a bit ridiculous, but it was also very dull. The most exciting bits were the few seconds seen in the trailer. It had lots of potential, but they didn't really work it too well. The angels were gayer than Colin Farrell in Alexander… The special effects? The coolest part, the mutant Ice Cream guy, lasted two seconds, and they killed him with a… But I won't on in case you want to see it.

But seriously. First, what's with the recent surge in religious films? And they don't even do them well. I was expecting something like Constantine, but instead, I got a B-movie zombie flick and not much else. And second, since going to the movies has to be so effing expensive, at least they could bother to do good films, for Pete's sake!!!

Today, we're going to see Kick Ass, which has excellent reviews and looks hilarious, but if it's another piece of crap, I swear I'll stop going to the movies, because they're just taking the piss…

BUT SOMETIMES IT'S WORTH THE WHILE GOING TO THE MOVIES

And of course, sometimes I have to eat my words.

We went to see Kick-Ass, and the truth is, I loved it. It's one by the same guys who did Superbad, which was a movie I resisted for a long time, thinking it would be a been-there-seen-that American Pie kind of movie, and when I finally saw it, I loved it. 

Anyhow, still in the same vein, Kick-Ass is a crude, extremely aggressive, somewhat mentally disturbed, superheroes without powers movie. I laughed, I cringed, and in some scenes I was a bit nauseous, because the fight scenes are very realistic. 

All the actors are excellent (about time Nicholas Cage did something good again), and I will closely follow Chloe Moretz's career, as her performance as Hit Girl was incredible. Her character is the reason this movie has received some terrible reviews, as it features a violent and foul-mouthed part, but I thought she was magnificent.

BOOK ADAPTATIONS

April 2020

I'm a big fan of movies and TV shows. I've wanted to work in that area for most of my life, but there's one thing I've just never understood. Why do some directors or screenwriters decide to take a beloved fiction and completely change it? Why say you love a story so much that you want to adapt it for the big or small screen and then basically change it to your liking or what you want the story to tell? If you're so smart, then write your own story. For example, Peter Jackson claims to be a big fan of Tolkien. Still, he feels the need to change basically any of the Tolkien humor and insert his own slapstick humor, as well as add some extremely ridiculous romances between a dwarf and an elf. Tolkien's stories did not need it; they were perfect the way they were.

Benioff and Peterson decided that since they were paying for Brad Pitt, they might as well have him be the hero of the story, even though everything that had ever been written about the Trojan War made it very clear that Achilles was anything but a hero.

And now, due to the quarantine, I decided to watch a new adaptation of a beloved book from my childhood. Anne with an E is a well-done show; it features fantastic casting and excellent locations, and the stories are heartwarming and enjoyable. But it is NOT Lucy Maud Montgomery's story. I don't understand why they felt the need to be more 'woke' or PC or whatever, but they've completely changed the story. They've completely changed the characters' storylines. Now, Gilbert Blythe is an orphan who works on a steamer, and Josephine Barry doesn't live alone because she wants to and can, which in itself was already a very feminist thing, but because she's a lesbian. That might have been true, but that is not the story. Why not make your own story instead of completely changing somebody else's? Why bother saying you are adapting a book and then changing the whole thing? If they had called it anything else, given the characters other names, I would be enjoying the show a lot. As it stands, I dislike it immensely.

FEAR AND LOATHING IN THE NEWSAGENTS

Today, I spent most of the day in Madrid, queuing and traveling on public transport. Unfortunately, I had finished my book, so I went to the newsagent's for a couple of magazines. I will not mention the name of the fashion magazine I purchased, but I will say that I bought it solely because I liked the nail varnish that came with it. Well, I just read half of the magazine and I was indignant. First of all, the fashion photoshoots featured clothing costing more than € 100 per garment. There were a few over a thousand, and some of those required asking for the price. It was unreal, offensive in times of crisis, and you can't identify with them; they only make you feel bad.

But the worst was when I reached the section about having bikini issues. The girls who were speaking of themselves were an actress with a size 6, and a model. And as an example, they mentioned Irina Shayk. That she feels she has small breasts! That was when I repressed with difficulty the urge to throw the magazine under a bus; I calmed down and decided it was time to read something intelligent, so I took out El Jueves.

*(For the record, I don't think  thin women are unreal, or don't have body issues, I just think they should have used all kinds of body types)

But let's continue with the subject of fashion magazines. I wish there were someone who had the means to create a magazine for women who are larger than a size 16 but think spending € 38 on a dress is excessive. Women who prefer to know where the nicest bargains are rather than to see a dress that they could never afford, even if it did fit, women who want to know about cheap and enjoyable holidays, and not where Coppola summers... well, women like us. And I don’t mean blogs; it seems that all decent bloggers who discuss these topics forget as soon as they secure a contract with ELLE, Vogue, and so on. I speak of paper, a magazine for all of us. I'm sure there would be lots of people who would chip in. What do you think?

CAZA NOCTURNA

A Fizwig



Se prepara, acecha, la gran cazadora

a la espera de ver moverse

el monstruo que es mi pie

Bajo las mantas.



Sigilosa y sinuosa, moviéndose despacio,

sus músculos se tensan, salta.

Cazó su presa!

Ahora a por el otro.



Silenciosa, ni un maullido,

curiosa aplicación de sus instintos.

Miles de años de evolución

para hacer cosquillas.

POESIA ANTIGUA

Admito que esto me da una vergüenza terrible, son taaaaan dramáticos, pero aquí os dejo unas poesías de mi época de Londres, escritas entre 1998 y 1999.

(Por cierto, fijaos en el titulo que puse... "Arde Londres" si es q me doy lastima a mi misma. MUAHHAHAHAHA)

*******
Si una noche te entregué
Todo cuanto soy,
Poco fue.

Si un día te juré
Amor eterno,
Nada fue

Si un año te dije
Que ya no te volvería a ver,
Mentí.

Y si alguna vez dijiste
Que menos que nada era para ti,
Nunca te creí.

Pero nunca te dije,
En una noche de luna llena,
Que por ti viví.

Arde Londres


*******

La luna aulla
Sola en su cuna
Por un amor incierto.

Indecisa, paranoica y confusa,
Se distrae entre las nubes,
Buscando algo intangible.

Sin saber, sin sabor,
Quiere aquello que niega querer,
De tanto negarlo.

Una mirada tierna y dulce
La desconcierta
Haciendo que se esperance.

Y busca, busco, busca, busco…
Lo real se confunde
Allí, con las nubes.

Y las nubes, ya teñidas
Del rojo amanecer,
Besan adiós a la luna.

Arde Londres

*******

Si los sentimientos pudiera calmar,
Y mis latidos acallar,
Aun así te amaría.

Si mi boca fuera mía,
Y mis labios pudiesen controlar,
Aun así te besaría.

Si mis sueños encarcelase,
Y la soledad quisiera hallar,
Aun así te buscaría.

Si mis ojos cerrase,
Y no te pudiese vislumbrar,
Aun así te vería.

Si un día te girases,
Y yo, falsa yo, no te impidiese marchar,
Aun así te lloraría.

Si un día me fuera lejos,
Y solo tu imagen pudiera palpar,
Aun así, a ti, te tocaría.

Arde Londres


*******

No llores más,
Suficientes lágrimas caen del cielo.
No llores, pues,
Bastante se ha llorado ya.

No estés triste,
Suficiente gris está el cielo.
Más oscurece
Cuando tu sonrisa se apaga.

No te rindas,
Nuestros nombres están juntos en el cielo
Escrito en estrellas
Desde hacía siglos ya.

Dime que no llorarás,
Que levantarás los ojos al cielo
Y sabrás que yo
Lo miro para no llorar.

Arde Londres

*************

These are old, embarrassing poems from my days in London (1198-1999), but unfortunately, I can't bring myself to translate them, as they wouldn't be the same. Sorry!

Quien me lo iba a decir

Cien mil mariposas revolotean siempre que oigo ese sonido ya familiar
tus pasos retumbando, subiendo de dos en dos, de tres en tres
mis escaleras a la carrera por tus ganas de verme

Un abrazo fuerte, un millar de besos, casi sin cerrar la puerta,
como si no nos hubiésemos visto en mil años
aunque nos hayamos visto esa mañana.

Y que importa, si cada momento sin ti
es un momento que pienso en ti

Dormir a tu lado, no siempre abrazados,
pero siempre cerca, y por primera vez
duermo tranquila, profunda y felizmente

Me arreglo para verte y pienso en como me verás tu...
Guapa, guapísima, preciosa...
Y así me veo yo

Quien me lo iba a decir,
que todo lo que siempre busqué
lo encontraría en ti.

10 de Marzo, 2010

*************

This is a new bit of poetry, but unfortunately I don't like to translate it, as it's not the same... SORRY!